Yeah, I've had that same journal up for forever.

Life has been interesting to say the least scince I last posted a journal. I joined up with the carnival again, to become a mindless slave..whee. I miss my sushi bar job...heh it's kinda crazy to actually miss something.

It's been a horrible season, the children I watch are horrid and selfish, sometimes I think if they died I wouldn't care..of course I would, that's an awful thing to think, but I do sometimes, when no one's paying attention..no one ever pays attention.

My sister's pregnant again. She's having a girl this time, she's younger than me.

My mom died. On the fourth of July, took some penicillin and just kicked it, allergic reaction, lost oxigen to her brain and never woke up again. She had just had a birthday a few days before.

The sad thing is, she was doing so well. Alright, so she was an abusive bitch most of my life, constantly reminding me that I was worthless, and she wished she'd shad an abortion or that my father beat her so she'd have a misscarrage..but that was drugs talking. She had kindof gone into a downward spiral shortly after my brother's death, which led to abuse..which led eventually to divorce, and my father gaining custody of us.

She was homeless for eight years, a little tiny lady..all by herself, never able to see her kids. She stopped doing drugs, stopped drinking. She was getting her life together, trying to get along with her sisters (there are eight of them, and they fight over stupid things constantly), she had a home, and she had me and my sister back after so long..she got to see her grandson..

And then she died, from something people take everyday..Just died, and there was nothing I could do about it..I went straight down to Lousiana as soon as I heard she went into the hospital.. I couldn't cry, I didn't want to be in the room when they turned off the machines to let her go..I didn't hold my own mother's hand when she took her last breaths, as her heart stopped beating.

So, after the carnival stuff settled down, after the hurricanes stopped hitting my home and my family, I cried..cried and cried..my mom is gone, I'll never see her again..and the last thing I ever said to her, as I got into my car, was "yeah, I'll see you later." I didn't even tell her I love you too.